Red Onion News: Hillary Clinton Campaign Manager Resigns!
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Hillary Clinton Campaign Manager Resigns!
Hillary Clinton's female Campaign Manager, Sam Witch, tendered her resignation. In spite of effectively controlling the media through threats of sexism, and emailing every prominent reporter, a list of words that are forbidden to describe Hillary Clinton, the manager tendered her resignation on the heels of a recent campaign rally in New York. The incident involved a rap artist who was hired to perform at the rally.
"We wanted to portray Hillary as being hip and cool, by incorporating a rap artist. He made a song just for the campaign that didn't contain any of the banned words, nothing offensive, and definitely nothing sexist or controversial. This artist was so clean, he made Bill Clinton look like a saint!"
The trouble began after the performance, when the rapper finally introduced himself to the crowd.
"The rapper who I knew only by his real name of Tyrone Mann-slave, shocked us all with his stage name, which we were totally unaware of. It contained several elements of the banned words, namely old and Menno-pause, not to mention a direct reference to Ben-ghazi. Libya."
"The rapper's stage name was Ben Gay Zee. Imagine, the embarrassment of being associated with an analgesic heat-rub, used to temporarily relieve muscle and joint pain associated with arthritis!"
In an exclusive phone interview with Red Onion News, the rapper Ben Gay Zee, stated "How can you be a commander-in-chief of the US Armed Forces if you are afraid of "words"? Listen to my new rap which contains 22 of the banned words and phrases!
It's a shame Old Hillary is POLARIZING and vain.
CALCULATED and AMBITIOUS in her campaign.
It's INEVITABLE Hillary will DO ANYTHING TO WIN.
REPRESENTING THE PAST along with BILL's sin.
ENTITLED, OVER-CONFIDENT with PRIVATE EMAILS.
She's OUT OF TOUCH, but a hit with the females.
DISINGENUOUS and INSINCERE towards the nation.
I'd rather be engaged in SECRETIVE masturbation.
Down to a PANT-SUIT and DEAD BROKE.
Leaving behind BENGHAZI in smoke.
Flush with Menno-paws and Donors Cash.
FAVORS traded for a CORONATION bash.
When asked what the future had in store for the rapper, he replied, "I'll be promoting my new album that came out a few weeks before this mess. It's called, "nightmarish hag who has recently stopped killing small dogs.”
Ex-Campaign Manager, Sam Witch, was unavailable for further comment.