Saturday, 11 April 2015

ButtHurt Magazine - Issue 03

ButtHurt Magazine - Issue 03

Issue 03 of ButtHurt Magazine!
Issue 03 of ButtHurt Magazine!



It is a pleasure to welcome you to the latest edition of Butt-Hurt Magazine. You will discover an array of extraordinary idiots, prudes, social justice warriors, and, gasp, even the odd feminist. We're excited to share exceptional stories that stir the senses and inspire the "WTF" in all of us.  Let's begin.

Article  1

Racist birds.

Sweden is at it again.  This time Sweden’s Ornithological Contemporary society has banned  the names of several birds over fears that the names sound too racist.  Society member Anders Wirdheim said. “We decided to compile a list and while we were doing that we decided to change the names of any birds that could have stirred up a debate.”

All bird names containing the word “neger” (negro), such as the negerfinken, have now been changed to instead use “svart,” the Swedish word for “black.”
Svart sounds like Swedish for fart.  But I digress.

The “kaffer” bird, known as the “swift” in English, was also changed as not to sound similar to a term used in South Africa as well, causing the “white-rumped swift” to becomes the “vit-gump-seglare."  Even words that could be translated to sound questionable in other languages were banned and altered, such as the “Zigenarfågel”, or the “gypsy bird.”

According to reports, debate thus far over the subject has been minimal, indicating that the butt-hurt programming of Sweden is near completion.  A few feel the incident once again represents out-of-control political correctness.

Never under-estimate the power of stupid to cross borders. The Office for Civil Rights in Seattle argued that “brown bag,” a term referring to city meetings in which participants brought a lunch from home, could be offensive to black Americans.  In the United Kingdom, police banned the words “blacklist” and “white list” in 2012 as well over fears that law enforcement could be accused of racism.

I think all these idiots should be black balled.

Article  2

Banning Flags

Just another story of ungrateful leftist college students disrespecting the country they’re a part of.

The Legislative Council of the Associated Students of the University of California, Irvine’s passed the resolution, “Flags and decoration adjustment for inclusivity,” in a 6-4 vote with the stated intention of creating a “more inclusive” environment. The resolution would have banned hanging flags of any nation, including America’s Stars and Stripes, in the lobby of student government offices.  This idiotic resolution said that the American flag's symbolism has negative and positive aspects that are interpreted differently by individuals.  I say so what! If you are so butt-hurt by a flag in a building that is a public school, take 2 aspirin, and shoot yourself in the morning.

 Fortunately, in this story, the Student leaders at the University later vetoed the resolution, led by the Student-body President whose name, if I am not mistaken, is Persian. 

You know that your idea to ban the US flag is stupid when someone of Iranian descent vetoes your banning the American flag!

Article  3

Cereal equality

An incredulous Jezebel article titled “Ever Noticed There Aren’t Any Female Breakfast Cereal Mascots?” can only be described as 2 minutes you will never get back.  In it, mangina writer Doug Barry trills against “patriarchal injustice” of cereals and their “conspicuous exclusion” of females, apart from on Kellogg’s Disney Princesses.

Disney princesses. Don't get me started about these. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

 Anyhow, proving no male oppressor is safe, Barry lambasts “the homoerotic trio of rice-puffing elves, Snap, Crackle and Pop”. Seriously, this actually exists. For a feminist, I thought they loved homoerotic stuff. Perhaps mangina Barry wants some alpha male to snap his hips, make his anus crackle in pain, followed by a the pop of a romance explosion on his back!

He entirely missed females on Wheaties boxes, which include, Mary Lou Retton, Elinor Smith (in 1934),  Samantha Gordon, Jane Fauntz (in 1935), Amanda Borden, Amy Chow, Dominique Dawes, Shannon Miller, Dominique Moceanu, Jaycie Phelps, Kerri Strug, Amy Van Dyken, Tricia Dunn, Cammi Granato, Mia Hamm, Stacy Dragila, and others. 

I used the term "male" cereal mascots when describing Snap, Crackle, and Pop; Lucky the Leprechaun; the Trix Rabbit; Buzz the Honey Nut Cheerios bee; and Sonny the Cuckoo Bird. Most of them are portrayed so androgynously that even a Shakespearian sprite would appear masculine by comparison. Yet, it we took Frosted Flakes and put on "Toni the Tigress", then some femi-nazi would come along and whine about a female character being used to peddle sugar laden garbage. You just can't win with feminists.

So other than Strawberry Shortcake, Rainbow Brite, and all the ones I mentioned before, Barry failed to do his homework and see that one breakfast category is entirely dominated by one female, and a visible minority at that!


Namely, Aunt Jemima.

I adored Aunt Jemima as a kid, as weird as it is to adore a woman on a maple syrup bottle. I also thought she and Uncle Ben (as in the rice) were married. Perhaps Aunt Jemima is a "strong independent black woman, that needs no man!"

Article  4.

Resembling Classmate’s Rapist

A male student in a liberal-arts institution in Oregon was reportedly banned from going anywhere on campus that a fellow female student could be — due to the fact he looks like the person who had raped the girl.

A student who had been “ordered to stay away from a fellow student, all because he reminded her of the man who had raped her months before and thousands of miles away.”  This cut him off from his housing, his campus job, and educational opportunity.  But hey, it's just another disposable male in our society.

The accused male also had to endure a “month-long investigation into all his campus relationships, seeking information about his possible sexual misconduct in them,” which she called an “immense invasion of his and his friends’ privacy.”

Believe it or not, it gets even worse. Even after this invasive investigation completely cleared him of any wrong doing, he still wasn’t allowed to go anywhere where the student would be without risking punishment from the school.

The article did not reveal the name of the school, the students involved, or the outcome of the situation.  I have no doubts the male student will be on the losing end. Seriously, what next? Should we take down all traffic signs that say "Do Not Enter"?  Will the feminists start restricting males from higher education if they resemble any rapists on a national photo database of convicted or accused rapists?  I would laugh if I didn't find is so believable.

Article  5

Plus is the new negative.

What do you get when you are an airline carrier and put your logo in your latest advertisements?  Worldwide condemnation of course!

Swiss Air, simply put their own logo, which happens to include the Swiss flag in their ad, along with “Kreuz ist Trumpf” which literally means “The Cross is an Asset.”  Those unfamiliar with the Swiss flag, it is just a red box with a white PLUS sign in it.

However apparently for many Muslims it is literally ‘a red flag’. According to one Turkish journalist,  Muslims see it as a ‘Christian’ slogan that is “a provocation and an attack against Islam.”

How a white plus sign resembles a catholic cross, I'll never know.

And here I thought it was only feminists that were triggered by micro-aggressions.

Article  6.

The talking vagina.

By now, everyone has heard of a play called the "Vagina Monologues."   The play is lauded by feminists, as thought-provoking and liberating, while others find it just crass and demeaning.

Mount Holyoke College in South Hadley, Massachusetts , made the play an annual Valentine’s Day tradition. 

But now, it’s got some feminists offended, too. A theater group at a women’s college says it will stop showing the play, forever.

Amazing.  A college decision that actually benefits men from being dragged to this play on Valentine's Day!  But I digress.
At first I thought maybe they stopped showing the play for a scene that celebrates the seduction of a 15 year old girl by a female executive in her mid 30s.  What normal people would call Pedophilia, is instead celebrated like some sort of cherished growth experience. WTF.

The real reason for stopping the play?   The students were concerned about offending transgender people.  The admissions policy recently redefined what it means to be a women’s college.  It stated,<voice required="name=IVONA 2 Amy"> “Mount Holyoke remains committed to its historic mission as a women’s college.  Yet, concepts of what it means to be a woman are not static.” It clarifies which students can apply:

1. Biologically born female; identifies as a woman.
2. Biologically born female; identifies as a man.
3. Biologically born female; identifies as other, they, or ze.
4. Biologically born female; does not identify as either woman or man.
5. Biologically born male; identifies as woman.
6. Biologically born male; identifies as  other, they, or ze, and when “other or they” identity includes woman.
7. Biologically born with both male and female anatomy (Intersex), but  identifies as a woman.” </voice>

No wonder that these people are gender confused. A more logical definition would be any thing, other than someone Biologically born male; identifies as man. But hey, I guess that's why only the really smart  people go to University.

One student leader chirped, “At its core, the show offers an extremely narrow perspective on what it means to be a woman." Obviously she must be in liberal arts, and not be taking any math courses.  Approximately 0.3% of the US population is transgender. 

Meanwhile, the Playwright Eve Ensler who wrote the Vagina Monologues, has a new play out that we could all enjoy.  It's called “O.P.C.” which is the initials for,  Obsessive Political Correctness.

Article Sources

Banning flags

Cereal Microagressions

Racist birds

Hey, you remind me of that rapist

Swiss Air

Vagina Monologues


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