Thursday, 19 February 2015

50 Shades of Stupid



 50 Shades of Stupid


You'll understand once you watch the video
You'll understand once you watch the video


 VIDEO






  VIDEO TRANSCRIPT





This is Canadian MGTOW.  Having fun, and not giving a shit about "50 Shades of Grey."


Today's video is called, "50 Shades of Stupid."

My femi-fascist friend will be reading actual quotes from the romance book "50 Shades of Grey" which was recently released as a movie. The main characters are a college graduate, Anastasia, and a young business magnate, Christian Grey. Seriously, who uses the word magnate? Where is my top hat? Sheesh.


"I feel the color in my cheeks rising again. I must be the color of The Communist Manifesto."
Yup.  When I think "red cheeks', I definitely think of The Communist manifesto.  Red cheeks are often found on irritated fascists like feminists, and the asses of submissive manginas.

"I can almost hear his sphinx-like smile through the phone."
This is as bad as, Kirk Van Houten's song title, "Can I borrow a feeling?"   How can you hear a smile?  Does he have really crusty lips? He should get that, checked out!.




"And from a very tiny, underused part of my brain - probably located at the base of my medulla oblongata near where my subconscious dwells - comes the thought: He's here to see you."
She's in a heap of trouble if she asks the possibly insoluble question, "Why?"  The frontal lobe, which is the area of the brain that controls logical reasoning has left the building.


"His lips part, like he's taking a sharp intake of breath, and he blinks. For a fraction of a second, he looks lost somehow, and the Earth shifts slightly on its axis, the tectonic plates sliding into a new position." 
"Centre of the Universe", is the term used derisively by residents of the rest of Canada in reference to the city. Apparently they are all wrong.  It was Mr. Grey all along!



"He smiles, then strides with renewed purpose out of the store, slinging the plastic bag over his shoulder, leaving me a quivering mass of raging female hormones."
My medulla oblongata is struggling with this, but did he just leave Bed, Bath, and Beyond, WITHOUT paying?



"Holy crap! He's wearing a white shirt, open at the collar, and tray flannel pants that hang from his hips." 
Holy crap!  In Soviet Russia you don't wear clothes. Clothes hang from you!  Wait until she discovers belt technology, and it is wireless!  She must be a MAC user.


"Holy crap… just-fooked pigtails do not suit me, either."
That's why you keep your mouth open, dear.

"He steps out of his Converse shoes and reaches down and takes his socks off individually. Christian Grey's feet … wow… what is it about naked feet?"
This.
Is.
So.
Hot. 

I digress.

"Now I know what all the fuss is about. Two orgasms… coming apart at the seams, like the spin cycle on a washing machine, wow."
Apparently you can get washing machines at the Dollar Store now.  Good for 1 wash cycle.

Maybe.
 



 "Look at me," he breathes, and I stare up into his smouldering grey gaze. It is his Dom gaze - cold, hard and sexy as hell, seven shades of sin in one enticing look."
I see adjectives were on sale when this was written. Is the seven shades of sin referring to the 7 deadly sins, or am I giving the author way too much credit.

Yes.

Too much credit.



"What's wrong? What did that creepy good-looking bastard do?"
She has such a way with words. Probably coming from that very tiny, underused part of her brain - probably located at the base of her medulla oblongata near where her subconscious dwells.

 "My stomach somersaults - he wants me…in a weird way, true, but this beautiful, strange, kinky man wants me."
Same old story.  It's only harassment, if the guy is ugly. 


"His tone is so... so directorial, his usual control freak. I imagine him as an old-time movie director wearing jodhpurs, holding an old-fashioned megaphone and a riding crop. The image makes me laugh out loud."

Don't get me started about jodhpurs!



"I flush at the waywardness of my subconscious - she's doing her happy dance in a bright red hula skirt at the thought of being his."

There's  a quote that goes like this.

 “To access your subconscious, is to access your 'higher-self.”

Apparently Anastasia's higher self is a Hula dancer. 

My own subconscious however, is like the ocean, only deeper and less polluted.

"My very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba."
Here we go again with the dance moves.  I  sometimes wonder how this new generation will all be dancing when they go to each other's weddings because all their generation knows is grinding...


"I had no idea giving pleasure could be such a turn-on, watching him writhe subtly with carnal longing. My inner goddess is doing the meringue with some salsa moves." 
 Oh, there she goes again. How self-centered, would a woman have to be, that it would be a revelation that giving pleasure could be a turn on?

Such a revelation!

Let's Dance!


"Hmmm… he's soft and hard at once, like steel encased in velvet, and surprisingly tasty."
Om nom nom nom nom.  Next!


"His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel... or something."
Or something. Apparently the author was so busy writing the book, she could not complete entire thoughts.  I'll just assume the "something" is an anvil, or a salt lick

 "The orange juice tastes divine. It's thirst-quenching and refreshing."
Fifty Shades of Sunny D!  Reach for Sunny D, after getting the D?

"Oh my… sweat and body wash and Christian. It's a heady cocktail - so much better than a margarita, and now I can speak from experience." 
Gee, I hope it's gluten free. Crap!  I could of had a V-8!

"I eye Christian's toothbrush. It would be like having him in my mouth. "
So he has a pencil dick with bristles on the end?  Will a 50 Shades of Grey toothbrush be on the market soon? Naturally it will have to be a spin brush.

Anyhoo...

This concludes this article... If you enjoyed this video, please comment, rate and subscribe.  Thank you. This is Canadian MGTOW, signing off! Save yourself! Go MGTOW...


Desticate - To squeak like a rat.
Gilly-gaupus - Awkward person, foolish or silly person.
Gadzookery - Use of archaic words or expressions. Example is ye, thee, dost, etc.
Galimatias - Stupid, meaningless talk.



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